I had such a busy week last week. On Tuesday I had an appointment with an optician to check my eyes for suitability for laser eye surgery and I booked it right there and then for this Wednesday! After the check up I couldn't really see properly as they put drops in my eyes and I felt a bit sick so my lad and me went into some shops briefly before moving onto a restaurant named Old Orleans for dinner.

Thursday I made my way to London to see a dear friend and we had a fantastic time as well as a slap up meal and Friday I picked my sister up for work and we chilled all weekend til I took her home late yesterday evening.

Today my housemate returned from his weekend and we went for a meal. Whilst there my friend text saying her brother (my lad) had changed his relationship status on FaceBook. I checked on my phone and saw a request to have him as my boyfriend. I found it a bit rude to just change it and not discuss it so I waited til I got home and he popped over and I asked him what changed his mind about not putting names on things and was he absolutely sure and he explained how much he likes me and cares about me so I accepted the request and, well, I'm in a relationship!

Today I made sure I didn't go back to sleep as I had plans - my housemate was home, the weather fantastic and the day free! I pulled myself up and moved my legs around to the side of the bed, shuffled forwards and slid into my wheelchair, picked up a towel and made my way to the bathroom where I parked at 90 degrees to my shower chair and swung myself over to have a wash and do my catheter. I placed my towel on my wheelchair ready to sit on and took myself back into my room.

On the bed I wiggled a pair of white panties on and black footless tights as well as a yellow skirt, black bra and black vest. Thinking it may be cold I pulled on a grey cardigan and went into the kitchen for my cereal. I transferred onto the sofa and put some make up on and plaited my hair.

Outside I gave my housemate the video camera and opened the boot of my car. I pushed up and got myself into the boot and manoeuvred myself to get the wheelchair in bit by bit and wiggled myself into the front seat and we went to the park where I climbed out of the car, lifted and pushed myself around to the boot and took my wheelchair out, reassembled it and got in it - from the floor! I had to get in the boot again to put my cushion on my wheelchair and then we were ready for some playground fun! I went straight to the helter skelter slide and tried to climb the supporting pole and my housemate had to save me as it was more difficult than I imagined! I went to the bottom of the slide, transferred down onto it and pulled myself up the slide before sliding back down. I decided to have a go on a swing so shuffled onto one and tried to swing. It was a bit risky as I was either too far forward or too far back and my housemate safely put me back in my chair!

When I got home I put the memory card in my laptop and the footage seems to be jumpy so I am trying to convert it and see if it changes as it plays fine in my camera, think it is because the settings are for High Definition in the camcorder. The files are HUGE!

I will stay at that lad's place tonight as he has the day off. Earlier I was telling him about the different types of fan I have and explained what pretenders and wannabes are as well as the few not-so-nice minority and he asked what I think of him in that way. He could be a closet devotee so I carefully worded it and asked if he secretly likes it and explained that for a lot of Devs it is very hard for them, they are made to feel abnormal and it's almost like coming out as gay and I wouldn't like him any less but if he only liked me for my chair he could leave. He said he likes me for me and wishes I wasn't disabled. I hope further down the line he doesn't decide that it's a problem....

I went for a carvery and to the cinema with the girl I went out with last Friday (the sister of the lad I've been writing about) and took extra time to curl my hair ensuring I didn't accidentally place anything hot in my numb lap. At the cinema the car park was full so I had to park quite far away. At half 9 the lad text saying to let him know when I'm back. I got back at about 1am and he came down and we went to bed after a bit and messed about. It did get quite heated and even though I'm numb from the waist down I swear my pussy was pulsing, the nerves are stupid and don't know they're severed so I was getting quite frustrated as the feeling makes me want to feel something inside me which I can't. I didn't say anything, I'm not ready to take it further for a start! I can still feel that feeling now as I remember, argh!

I've been texting that guy this week but to be honest the texts he sends give nothing away, no 'hello gorgeous', no kisses at the end, no clue whether he is going to (or wants to see me) and he only texts briefly. I didn't see him online last night and he didn't text today and come 7pm I caved and asked him 'where's my buddy?'. He replied that he would be seeing the lads upstairs later and would pop in. I didn't believe him as he said that 3 times the week before and didn't so I told him so.

At about half 9 he text asking what I'm up to so I said watching The Big Bang Theory and he text saying he was upstairs and did I want to go up. I said wait til 10 as I really enjoy The Big Bang Theory and come get me. I quickly put some make up on and he came and carried me upstairs at 10pm, carefully placing me on the sofa. He sat on the arm of the sofa for a while, putting his arm not around me but behind me, his hand resting on my shoulder. When he moved to have a smoke I rearranged my legs and was conscious of how skinny they look even with my tight jeans on. Well, they used to be tight, when I still had legs that worked.

After a few hours I felt my abdomen and it was a bit bloated so I knew it was time to use the toilet. He took me there and I struggled to get my jeans down and pee, even more so to pull my knickers and jeans back up. I moved from side to side holding onto the sink, radiator or windowsill til I was decent and called him to carry me back to the safety of the sofa.

When it was time to leave he carried me back, placed me in my chair which didn't have the brakes on and it was a little awkward til he leaned down and we kissed. He said he'll probably see me tomorrow (he's always upstairs with the lads I know). I saw him out, locked the door and told my housemate about the goings on of the evening.

Getting into something with someone on a bit more than friendship level doesn't half make me completely aware that I can't move my legs and am wheelchair dependent. I feel embarrassed getting into my chair and wheeling about as well as knowing full well I can't do as much in bed as I used to! It hasn't got that far, I'm not easy and I need to find inner peace again before I let anyone get closer to me but it is still in the corner of my mind that I'm not who I used to be.

He isn't a Dev (as far as I know lol!) and I do think negative thoughts about myself like the ones you hear when an AB and wheeler are out and they hear someone say 'wow she's gorgeous, I guess being in the chair makes her more on his level' because the AB guy isn't so good looking. It's not even about looks, I've had a long term relationship with someone who wouldn't be considered a looker but he was a brilliant man and I liked him, that's all that mattered. Sometimes I think 'wow is he so desperate he has to go with a disabled lady' and I don't mean that to offend anyone - I have my own issues here and don't really give a f*ck about anyone getting offended by my innermost thoughts and feelings!

I guess it's all a waiting game, I don't expect to be at a certain stage, putting names on things and pushing for things. I'm secure in myself in some ways, I'm just having difficulty with how others perceive me perhaps or more like how he sees me and why. Reading this back I think I'm definitely worrying over something so silly and I am enjoying it and need to sort my head out. I just can't switch my head off!

I was bored on Friday and knew they were all congregating in an apartment above mine so I grabbed some catheters and my keys, got outside and rang their buzzer. What I didn't bank on was getting stuck on the snow/ice and I was trying to wheel yet getting nowhere ha ha! Luckily one lad came down and pulled me in and carried me to the apartment upstairs.

The lads are fascinated by the chair, they all compete in it who can wheelie best and drive in one furthest and one managed to topple the chair even though I have the anti-tip bar!

I'm a naturally hyper, chatty person and I like to amuse myself and did just that and they were all so quiet that come 5am I was playing with the curtains and the lad who rescued me asked did I want to go home. I don't think I could've said yes faster! He came too and we chatted for a while and he fell asleep on the sofa under my super furry pink blanket and on a pink fluffy heart shaped pillow. I obviously took a picture of that and got it on the Internet! I went into my own bed and when I heard him wake up called him in to talk some more. When he left he said he'd probably be back later so I left the door unlocked and went to bed at 8pm as I didn't sleep much the night prior and woke at 3am, had dinner and came online for a bit then went back to bed.

At 6am I heard a noise and it was that lad steaming drunk. I called him into my room and he took his clothes off bar his pants which was just so funny, I didn't know what to think of that. He jumped in the bed and started having a good old natter, talking and laughing and one of the other lads soon came down too and was like a stand-up comedian in the room. I laughed so hard I hurt where I can't feel it!